WELCOME TO MY DIARY

11:40

Woke up at like 09 which is much better than before but I spent about an hour just scrolling my phone which isn't great.
Needed to go to the store so I at least got up at some point.

That anime was pretty good actually, I've been enjoying it.

I felt pretty comfortable writing everything out yesterday but today it feels kinda dumb writing text nobody will read but publishing it online anyways.
don't get it twisted, I don't think I want anyone to read it anyways, which is why it bothers me that it's possible. Anyways, I think today might be ok, I don't feel super energetic but maybe that'll come later, drink some coffee and do some cleaning, shower, bet I'll feel way better after that.

17:40

ugh, I feel so unproductive. I wanna work on this place but I also kinda don't. I just feel like snacking and watching anime but at the same time, I'd rather actually do something.
I notice I feel like this rather often, where I just feel like doing something at nothing at all, it's annoying.

20:04

I keep napping all the time despite doing nothing. When I work I can go and be active for well over 20h without issue but when I do nothing, I'm so tired all the time, I don't get it.
About to go nap again for the 3rd time today, been tinkering with the site which is nice. I know what I want to add but a lot of it takes time and all I wanna do is finish this show, so it'll have to wait untill late tonight or tomorrow

Speaking of things I want to add, I'll get around to making that manifesto eventually. The original idea for this place is totally different from what it ended up being, I'll tell you about it some time but not now. That manifesto will likely have to wait untill then.
I also have a music review to write, some pictures to add, webring, links, and a shrine.. whatever that actually is. I need to browse the indie web way more for ideas and inspo. I have so much work to do and it fills me with joy just thinking about it.
Maybe I should have a section dedicated to shows I watch, that'd be cool. I could make it like a wall of covers and you can click each one to get a popup with what I think about them

00:50

Holy shit I fell asleep and just woke up....

04:42

I ended up sleeping all day yesterday. A friend kept me up until 2. I woke up at 8 after that and just turned around and slept untill 23.

When I got up I saw some friends in a VC and decided to join, it was late so they didn't stick around for long but it was nice. I really like my friends and they mean a lot to me, even if it doesn't seem like it all the time.

I spent a few hours playing factorio, which was nice, I'm finally getting back into it now. I get the new DLC as well so there's always the pressure to play it haha.

I've been fixing this site for... i don't even know how long now. Deciding to make this diary more of a diary than anything, call it virtual therapy or something. I have a lot of friends and I'm thankful for them but I wish I could have more people to talk to, I just feel like I have a lot I want to share with everyone but nobody ever seems to care enough. It's not their fault tho, they care plenty but it just doesn't feel like it to me. It's most likely just in my head but it still waeres on me, did I spell that word right? "waers" feels wrong.

I think today will be a good day, I need to clean some but it feels ok so far

06:00

I just spent the last 1h 20min trying to change foldmethod in neovim from manual to expr and I ended up having to re-install the entire thing, kill me...

09:22

I feel lonely. I've been playing factorio but I just feel this sadness. I showed some friends this place a few days ago and nobody really seems to care.

Or maybe they do care, I can't really tell, but it feels like they don't. It feels like that again, where I feel like nobody actually cares about me. Bestie 1 is super busy these days and barely has time to spend with me, we talk like once every third day but only if I pester her, if I don't she won't speak to me for weeks. The other one reaches out to me every now and then and it means a lot but it's always something quick, I don't feel like I get to spend time with him.

I'm also part of this FC in FFXIV, it's like a guild or whatever. They're nice but not really active and honestly, I don't think they like me. I've been there for a few years on and off but I don't even like the game anymore, I just play because I got lonelier when I stopped.

but idk, I just feel so sad. I have so much I care about and that I want to share with people but nobody wants to experience them with me. I have good friends and I'm thankful, I just wish I had friends who... felt like friends. Maybe I'm just being hormonal and over thinking, but I've felt like this for a while. Writing about it, even to an audiance of none, helps.

Anyways, I've been listening to Weatherday's 'Come in' and I feel like crying, so maybe I'll do just that

14:15

I feel like watching a bunch of slop anime, so I might just do that. I'm downloading some show called "The Danger's in my heart", gave it a passing glance, seems decent enough.

I never ended up crying earlier. I thought about it but didn't feel right. I just played some games instead and did some tinkering with this place. Think I'm gonna rename this section to just be called 'Diary', that is what I use it for anyways.

I'm really happy with how it's all turnign out, I like the style but I'm not sure how much I enjoy the colors. I might also want to add some decorations, Ive seen some pretty stamp outlines so I wonder if I can make something with white lace

I also want to get around to hosting this on my own machine at some point, not my home pc for saftey reasons but a little server I can tuck away would be nice. Would also drasctically speed up alterations as I won't need to upload them every time, I can just edit them in place.

Think I might start to talk less to my friends. It'll make me feel lonely but I also want to see if any of them care enough to reach out. If they where gone for a while, I'd notice and be worried but I don't know if they would feel the same for me, if they even care about me.
When I used to feel this way before I'd goon or just play a bunch of games but I also didn't used to feel so loney. I never had friends growing up so I didn't notice the lack of company. But now that I've had them, I notice it so much more when they're no around